Monday, April 25, 2011

Loving a narcissistic ADHD kid

No, I am not going to give you advice today, because I don't actually know how to show love to a child who rejects your love.

See, that's another thing with ADHD children - particularly those that are impulsive. When they are ruled by impulse, they tend to live in the moment. Do something nice for them and they will adore you, until something or someone else comes along. They will chew you and spit you out in a million pieces. Sounds harsh, but that's the reality - impulsive ADHD kids are a bit more narcissistic than most.

I never thought I'd utter the paragraph above. I was disgusted when someone said to me that all kids are narcissistic, because they live for the joy of the moment. And of course kids do live for the moment - that's what childhood is all about. But if your kids are narcissistic (and that person's kids were for sure), leave mine be thankyouverymuch....

Okay, so let me contradict myself. Most kids are NOT narcissistic, they just do what they enjoy, because their natural instinct is telling them that a life of stressing and working hard to pay the bills awaits when they grow up. Remember when your mom said "Be a child for as long as you can"? - well, that's what they are doing. They deserve it. They have no responsibilities and they are enjoying that freedom too for as long as they can. I would do that too if I could.

Living in a resort town, my kids get to meet lots of other kids and they have taken a liking to a specific family. When the Joneses* are here, I don't see my kids. When they are not off to the beach, they are out for milkshakes or playing games at the Joneses house.  I like them - they are nice people, very kind, loving and strict. I want my kids to enjoy every second with them.

However, since the Joneses have a whole football team, it means that my kids can't park off there for the entire 10 days that they are here. My daughter has to come home for meals and to sleep here. With that comes the responsibilities of keeping the home inhabitable and treating the family with some semblance of human dignity - both things that she seems unable to do.

Yes, I'm talking about my lovely little girl who can't give us enough love the rest of the time. The same little girl who does so well at school and helping around the home. And no - it's not just normal kid behavior. My son also loves the Joneses. He wants to go play before he opens his eyes in the morning, but he does his duties, eats his meals in peace and gives him mom a (reluctant, just to keep the peace) kiss and hug before he leaves.

I wonder if it is a wall she builds? Perhaps she wants to cause as much friction as she can before she leaves, so that she doesn't miss us too much while she is out?

For us as parents, it is sad and heartbreaking. We want this little girl to be happy. We want to make her happy, but she doesn't seem to want our love. It's not the Jones kids' influence- they would not dare talk to their parents like that. With other kids she seems able to hold her composure and maintain the balance between home and play.

No matter what it is, we will love her and talk her through this. This too shall pass...

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